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Codependency

With Others & With Ourselves · Self Care Thursday · Thursday, October 29, 2026

Where We Start

A Pattern, Not a Flaw.

Codependency isn’t a diagnosis, and it isn’t a character flaw. It’s a pattern we usually learned to stay safe or stay loved.

10:30–10:40

Check-in round & framing

10:40–11:00

What codependency looks like

11:00–11:35

Sharing

11:35–11:50

“Whose Is This?” exercise

11:50–12:00

One-word check-out

Part 1

What It Looks Like.

Codependency wears a lot of outfits. Notice which ones feel familiar, no judgment.

🤝 With Others

  • People-pleasing: saying yes when you mean no.
  • Rescuing & fixing: solving problems that aren’t yours to solve.
  • Caretaking as identity: not knowing who you are if you’re not needed.
  • Mood monitoring: scanning the room and adjusting to keep everyone okay.
  • Control dressed as help: “I’m just trying to help” when it’s really fear.
  • Conflict avoidance: keeping the peace at your own expense.
  • Martyrdom: giving until it hurts, then quietly resenting it.
  • Hyper-independence: the flip side, never letting anyone help you.

🪞 With Ourselves

  • Self-abandonment: dropping your own needs the moment someone else has one.
  • Outsourcing worth: feeling okay only when others approve.
  • Inner critic as boss: talking to yourself in ways you’d never talk to a friend.
  • Perfectionism: earning the right to rest instead of just resting.
  • Not knowing what you want: “I don’t care, whatever you want” as a reflex.
  • Over-functioning: staying busy so you don’t have to feel.

Part 2

Let’s Share.

Pick whichever prompt speaks to you. Share as much or as little as you want.

  1. Which “outfit” from the list landed for you, and where does it show up in your life?
  2. Where did you first learn that your needs come second?
  3. What happens in your body when you say no, or even think about saying no?
  4. How are you codependent with yourself? What does your inner critic expect of you?
  5. What do you give to others that you rarely give to yourself?

Part 3

“Whose Is This?”

Grab something to write on. Take about 15 minutes.

  1. Write it down. List what’s weighing on you right now, big or small.
  2. Ask: is this mine to carry? Mark each item: mine, someone else’s, or shared.
  3. Finish the sentence for anything that isn’t only yours: “I can care about this without carrying it by ___.”
  4. Name one self-care act you’ll give yourself before Sunday, and say it out loud.

I’m allowed to have needs. I’m allowed to meet them.

Take It With You

This Week’s Takeaway.

Caring for others and caring for yourself aren’t opposites. Codependency is just when the second one keeps getting skipped. 💙

See you at the Friday Hangout, 6pm ET. This page is for support and reflection, not a substitute for professional care. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988.